The Ego of Man

Alright, so I just watched an episode of Dr. Phil (which is rare) and it was about the male ego and how it can get out of control when it involves sex. Well, I don’t know how many people watch and take what he say’s seriously. I’m also not exactly sure what the “Dr.” in front of his name is for and I don’t know what he’s qualified to do. I do know it’s not for psychology. I’ve also noticed that he likes to gang up on a particular guest he feels is in the wrong and then has the audience approve his thinking by applause. Today, it was two guys who he thinks are full of themselves that were being ganged up on. I’ll call them guy #1 and guy #2. This is how I perceived both men.

Guy #1 was arrogant and a narcissist. He didn’t need Dr. Phil to gang up on him because, the way he talked about himself and the way he talked about women did the damage for Phil. He referred to himself as a “high caliber man” as if he is of the upper echelon of single men. There’s a line where confidence turns into arrogance. One attracts women, the other does not. He had built himself up to be this “dream dude” on an online dating service, and got upset when his built up self got rejected. Instead of taking the rejection like a man, he sent a nasty e-mail to the woman who rejected him. His defense was, she contacted him, therefore it is his decision to reject her not her decision to reject him. He also went into this rant about how many headshots she had on her profile, therefore she must be fat and needed to go to a gym. Things like that are why he castrated himself on T.V. which was painfully funny to watch. I would agree, this guy’s ego is out of control.

“I had had some correspondence with this girl. She must’ve found me appealing, so she e-mailed me. She had six pictures of her head on her profile. She’s hiding something. She’s probably big. I sent her back a pretty standard e-mail. I told her I work for a Fortune 500 company, I work out four days a week, I live in the ritziest part of town, and I was educated at the best school in the country. The girl sent me back an e-mail saying we’re not a personality match. I didn’t ask her to suck her toes, I didn’t ask her to send me her underwear. She hit on me, and then she’s telling me she’s not interested? I sent her an e-mail that said, ‘I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to pass my criteria and standards. Six pictures of your head lets me know one thing: You are not in shape. I’m a trainer on the side, so the next time you meet a guy of my caliber, just get to the gym. I will even give you one free training session.’ She decided to send my e-mail to every media outlet.” (Dr. Phil transcript)

He clearly can’t get over himself and he’s trying way too hard to impress. Am I wrong? His reply to the woman was his way of defending the way he sees himself since his image was so wrongly damaged by the evil woman. He’s saving face to the most important person on the planet, himself.

Guy #1

Guy #2 aka “Casanova”, was made to be a bad guy as well, but I think Dr. Phil failed. Yes, #2’s ultimate goal, i.e. “Getting Laid in NYC” isn’t his best work, though I’m sure many other guys would argue that it is. Also the fact that he has a memorized count of 132 women he’s slept with doesn’t help him either, yet that’s a double standard us guys are on the ‘good side’ of. His (#2’s) method for getting a phone number and a date are fantastic! I think Dr. Phil missed that because he was so stuck on the 17-page explanation of how to get laid in NYC and the 132 sex partners. Phil tried to get the crowd to gang up on him, to tell him how bad of a person he was. By the way, the crowd was mostly women… Anyway, I don’t know if it’s because of my age or if it’s because I’m a single guy, but I’m on guy #2’s side. #2 even showed with another person (“self proclaimed introvert”), how his so called caveman technique works. I would say, this guy’s ego is a controlled chaos. His ideas are in the right place, but his execution is slightly flawed.

“I wrote this 17-page little manifesto called Getting Laid in New York City. We’ve got three things: A) ***** is the second most abundant thing after water, B) men should act more like cavemen. Grab that woman off the street, drag her back to your lair, and C) women ultimately only care about a man’s ability to pay and how well he makes love to her.”

“I don’t see anything wrong with sleeping with girls whom I have no long-term interest in. I’m more selective about whom I have dinner with than whom I have sex with.” (Dr. Phil transcript)

Guy #2

“The Caveman Technique”

• Introduce yourself to the woman (hello works the best), use eye contact.

• Quickly build a good rapport and do not spend too much time on one woman to keep a little bit of mystery about you. Don’t go from woman to woman to woman in front of those women! That’s just dumb and desperate. Be a little selective.

• Ask for her contact information, if you get it, move on. If not, move on.

• Go on the date and do not drink alcohol.

• If all goes well, it’s back to your place

• Then, it’s on!!

“The big key there is to enter with confidence, keep it light and playful, get the contact information and then get out of the situation…” (Transcript)

GUY #1, IT’S CONFIDENCE NOT ARROGANCE!!

Simple! Though I wouldn’t agree with the bars and clubs as a good place to meet women. Guy #2 was just too smooth for Dr. Phil. I think…I know it’s all in perspective of how to view #2. Single men 18 to maybe 35 will see him as I do or even in a better light. Married men, depending on how long they’ve been married and their age, may see him as I do or they’ll see him as Dr. Phil does. Dr. Phil is an old married guy who hasn’t had to be in the “single guy mentality” in I don’t know how long. Majority of women, especially older women, will see him as bad because Dr. Phil has put it in the minds of those who watched that every single guy that uses those techniques (first 3 listed) wants to get them in the sack that evening. Sex is on our minds a lot and we know what we want…but many of us have a lot more respect for women than that. It was a nice attempt to villainize #2, but there was not enough on him and he didn’t do the work for Dr. Phil like guy #1 did. Overall he was just a real cool cat.

“You say there are three kinds of women: yes, no and maybe. So, what was she?” Dr. Phil asks.

“She’s probably a yes girl, but you have to earn her,” #2 says. “She’s a beautiful, quality woman, and I think she probably said, ‘This guy is interesting, he’s intriguing, but too much baggage to have a fling with.’ She didn’t want to get hung up on my stuff.” (Dr. Phil transcript)

The guy isn’t disrespectful like guy #1, he’s got some sense. I’m not saying I agree 100% with guy #2, I just agree with his dating method (first four points) because it works for dating. With exclusive relationships, I would disagree with this being used on more than the one woman you are seeing. But, maybe that’s just my male ego talking and justifying #2’s reasoning for me to see it as acceptable.

What to Do?

I have a bit of a “problem.” Where I work, and I assume most places are like this, dating the boss is something that is frowned upon. Well, many of the girls I work will are all very pretty, but a little too young for me, out of the +/- 3 years range. They’re 18 to 20, and I’m 24 and I’m not dealing with a girl who has a high school/bubbly mentality anymore. Been down that road. Women alone can be enough drama anyway! The only female co-workers that are my age are managers and maybe one or two other non-managerial co-workers. So…on to the problem. If you couldn’t guess it, I happen to really like one of the managers I work with, and she happens to be the head manager of the entire store. I’ve never been in a situation like this before and am clueless on what to do. I wasn’t really looking for a relationship, but I’m beginning to think, maybe I shouldn’t pass this up. At least that’s the way I think while working with her, that I should take a chance. Though the more I think about it (away from work), I think that I should just leave it alone and don’t do anything!

This has all occurred recently and at the moment I’m trying to read her, which is nearly impossible because I don’t work with her everyday. [Note: reading women period is practically impossible!] She has given me signs that us guys think say to us, “green light” such as her incessant touching. Every time I work with her she just has to touch me, whether it be a playful little punch on the arm when I tease and flirt with her, a gentle touch on the arm or hand to emphasize something, a touch on the chest, or an “innocent” brush against me when she passes by; she just has to get her hands on me! And I don’t mind one bit ! But, and there’s a huge BUT…she’s mentioned that she has been known to be a tease. Guys, you know what I’m talkin’ about. Those women are very, very irritating! I also know that us guys have been notorious for taking women’s signals for more than what they are. So I’ve asked for some friends’ advice on how they see it:

Friend #1 says: “If her situation is good (meaning single status), then I’d say go for it!”
My reaction: That’s what I want to hear, but it’s not really helpful.

Friend #2 says: “Approach it cautiously, she’s got more to lose than you so keep it low key. Try not to go to very public places where you’ll be seen by a lot of people like a popular restaurant. But you’re a pretty low key guy anyway.”
My reaction: Pretty good answer.

Friend #3 says: “I’ve been the boss dating a co-worker and it didn’t work out so well. She’s flashed me at work while my supervisor was there. He saw it and told me to talk to her to stop it. The relationship eventually didn’t work out.”
My reaction: Interesting perspective from the bosses view, but sexes are reversed. I wouldn’t be doing anything like flashing my boss on the job anyway. Not what I wanted to hear but seems more realistic.

Cheesecake61, I know what you would say if you happen to read this: “Pray about it.”
My reaction: No tangible help.

Sigmund Freud version of this conflict for laughs.
Id – Don’t just date the boss, date all those cute young women! So what if some of them are 20 years old, they’re all hotties! Your ego is an idiot and your superego is a moron! Listen to common sense!
Ego – She’s the manager and if she’s caught, she’ll get canned not you. It’s very risky for her. She would have to be willing to take that risk. If she is, remember what friend two said, “keep it low key.” If it doesn’t work out, don’t resort to dating the younger co-workers, you’ve been down that unpleasant road before.
Superego – Seriously? This is an issue for you? From the get go, you were told that you’re not supposed to get involved with managers. Leave it that way and move on!

You know I had to throw in some psychological “thingy” in here somewhere ha .

I’m still on the fence. I feel that the way she is, is just her personality and I could be reading the signs for more than what they really are. I’ve done it before just as every guy has done it before. Though I’ve seen this happen before with where I work, where a boss has dated or “hung out” with a subordinate co-worker. If I hadn’t seen or known about it, I wouldn’t be contemplating this. It shows me that they are a bit lenient if it’s kept on the DL. My general thought at this moment (7 July) is she’s teasing me, I don’t want to get my hopes up too much…but then again, I can’t read women.